It’s now been a month since I moved into TKK Towers, and it’s (almost) summertime and the livin’ is easy.
Occasionally, I do have to pinch myself that, yes, it’s 10.30pm and the people in the neighbouring flats are either asleep or quietly going about their business. This is in contrast to my last place when people would start arriving at 10.30pm to get the business of the day / evening going.
The biggest problem I’ve had to deal with so far was a ladybird nest in the window frame, but a few well aimed swats with a newspaper put paid to those squatters.
But it’s been so quiet on my floor since I moved in that I began to suspect that something was not quite right, and my suspicions were soon confirmed.
It turned out that part of the reason for the deathly quiet was death itself, as someone in the flat two flats down had dozed off into the big sleep. But compared to life with the Fat Fucks, I would have preferred a decomposing neighbour to them.
This got me thinking as to the ideal neighbour I could have in the block.
While there might be some cachet about having someone fashionable or famous living next to you, the chances are they’d have people over quite frequently, have parties and make a fair amount of noise, and might even have sex occasionally. This is no good to me when I’m at a stage in my life where I want to have the bare minimum of noise disturbance from neighbours, but can’t afford a detached house.
What I’m looking for is someone out of step with the times, has no sex life, a greatly reduced social circle, dislikes the TV and likes reading. That way, I could take a nap at any time of the day (without earplugs) and not have to listen to Eastenders reverberating through the wall, or shagging.
This sounded perfect, until I realised that under those criteria this man could qualify as my new neighbour:
Hmm. Anyone know how to raise the dead?
