Back in the day when I started this blog, stuck for subjects to write about, I started compiling a top ten of my worst jobs.

Like many a project I’ve started in life, it remained unfinished, stalling at No.5 with a post titled ‘Just about any NHS department I’ve worked in’.

I’m starting to think that title may well be my epitaph.

Rather optimistically at the time of compiling the top ten (or no.10 through to no.5), with my psych graduation in sight, I felt the future was so bright I was gonna need shades.

Fat chance.

It wasn’t just the job top ten that stalled.

My ‘career plan’ has, er, careered since those halcyon days.

Today I was supposed to be in a job interview. I had my resignation letter ready, so convinced was I that this interview was going to be the one.

Fat chance.

I received a phonecall last Thursday to inform me the interview was cancelled due to withdrawal of funding for the post.

When I informed the bearer of bad news that it was ‘just one of those things’, I was at that moment the master of understatement.

Because, and let there be no mistake, I absolutely hate my job.

It seems that in life you have some measure of control over your friends, partners and pets, but when it comes to work colleagues and family, you’re fucked.

The enmity towards the pigeon-faced geriatric I sit next to is well detailed in past blogs (and now my blog media space has increased x30 I’ll have to upload the video of her losing her Oystercard). But do imagine sitting next to someone you never ever speak to (unless you count the swearing under my breath) in work, unless it’s unavoidable.

It’s depressing having to spend so much time in the company of someone I despise so much, and explains why I see my new girlfriend so often.

Me Julie thinks I’m crazy about her and that she’s both treasured and cherished. Instead, the real reason she’s so often in my company is because I don’t want Doofus to be the person I spend the most amount of time next to in my life.

But not speaking to Doofus doesn’t save me, as it still means I have to endure her banal conversation during the day. Here is an example of why I’m considering enlisting in the Foreign Legion at the end of the week.

Doofus: *has ecstatic look on her face as she walks over to a colleague* I had a crab paste sandwich last night!

Colleague: *bemused look and unsure how to respond*

D: Yeah, a crab paste sandwich. That’s crab paste and bread together.

C: ...

D: *walks back to own desk*

TKK: *puts shotgun into mouth*

Youth may well be wasted on the young, but retirement is completely wasted on the old.