The health trust I work for is currently up a certain financial creek, and it appears ever more evident that they’re going to have to sell the paddles.

The administration staff have been “cascaded” the latest management doublespeak about their plans to trim fat from the already anorexic clerical body, fantastically titled the “Cost Improvement Program”.

The Trust needs to save £8,000,000 over the next three years, and helpfully points out that the admin budget is currently a whopping £3 million a year. However, if they fired all the admin staff that would only contribute to 37.5% of the total savings needed, and there would also be the unfortunate side effect that mental health services in the borough would grind to a halt.

Yet again, another reshuffling of the deckchairs on the Titanic is being proposed; consultations and reviews are being planned. It turns out that I am now officially a SABC (staff affected by change).

Still, not that middle management need to worry. It turns out project managers are needed to oversee the entire process, which will take 2-3 years to implement. They’re also looking for a staff member to perform a six-month secondment in this whole redundancy cost improvement process.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

“Doofus: you’re fired!”